I often see something similar on organizations' websites, especially nonprofits. They'll say, "Our 501c3 utilizes best practices to build bridges between civic partners and those on the front lines fighting to distribute nutritionally balanced, satiating meals among individuals experiencing food insecurity," when what they mean is "We serve hot meals to hungry people."
This is all true for science writing too. It can be tricky bc there is a need for qualification at times, but most sentences and paragraphs are 30–50% longer than they need to be.
Lindsey, science writing is a different animal, though I can imagine the lengthly sentences. One of my authors is a scientist, the habit she transfers from her professional writing side isn't so much verbosity, but foot noting everything -- which I think it kind of funny.
Ha yeah, I think it’s a similar sort of thing— this deep impulse to need to have proof for everything you say, or else hedge with a million qualifications. I’m curious, if you can share, how your author made the leap from science to fiction? Sounds like a dream.
She's writing non-fiction. It's in the science realm, but not so serious it requires foot notes.
As for how she took the leap... I don't think there's any leaping involved. She's still a scientist who writes tons of scientific papers, but she also writes books. Fiction or non, you, Lindsey Smith, can absolutely do it too, if that's your goal.
Henny, it's funny you say that. Depending on the book it can go on for paragraphs of nothing, and I think it's because "he can"... That doesn't mean it flies with his readers.
I was sitting in on a class a few years ago, on first pages and the instructor read for a while, until we begged her to stop, all the words, but nothing being said. Turned out to be King, though I can't remember the book. I think it serves as a cautionary tale to those trying to hone their craft.
Be careful of the authors you choose to read and also the age of the book. There is a such a huge difference from years ago. I went back to one of my favorite books recently and the inciting incident I thought happened on page three, where the book really gets good, turns out it was 20+ pages in... that was a shocker.
Interesting. I wonder if he still writes that way? I’m reading his book on writing now as well (very slowly but enjoying it) and it sounds like he was pretty into drugs and drinking back in the day.
I think it was one of his newer books, so he may be writing this way now. However, readers of the original Stand can attest to his freedom with words. I liked his book On Writing. If you look at the first page of his book... Holly... I think. He goes on for a while about the street and the park and then the weather, but I don't think it's the book that was read as an example a few years ago.
Super helpful tips. Just started the revision process on my novella (which I serialized here on Substack). I had 66 instances of ‘just.’ So I just cut most of them 😉.
Loving this post, Renee! Each word should be a carefully crafted part of the art you are asking people to spend their precious time and attention on. I have DNF'd so many books because the premise is implausible (even in the world they created) or because their language was over the top and actually cluttered the story. One of those books I printed out the first chapter and highlighted every simile or metaphor the author used...it was upwards of 40, in just the first chapter. Some were good; many were not.
Yikes, KC that’s a lot of simile and metaphor! Is this a current book?
It gets tiring to slog through all this window dressing just to find out they’re conveying something that could’ve been handled in 3 words and isn’t really enhancing anything that matters.
Yes, it was a duology pub'd in the past few years to high acclaim. I was really surprised that the editors didn't winnow that down some. It was overwhelming to me. But it was very popular.
It's an interesting question why sometimes description is welcome and other times it comes across as boring filler. A long-winded paragraph that amounts to "it was raining" is pretty bad, no argument there! Descriptions of mundane things that aren't plot-relevant are hard to make interesting and should be cut entirely or trimmed to the bare minimum.
But I've noticed there are times when stories do description well. I was just rereading Piranesi for a piece (https://craftywriting.substack.com/p/the-otherworldly-opening-of-piranesi) and it has a fair amount of poetic description which is quite effective. The story wouldn't even work in Hemingway or Carver style; we need the description to feel transported to this eerily beautiful, mysterious place.
What I would say is going on is that stories can build interest in what is being described based on how scenes are set up, what's happened before, etc. When these things are in place, well-written description can be engrossing. When it's not and the text belabors something readers aren't primed to care about, it's dull.
Exactly, Paul! Sometimes description enhances, especially when it’s the point being made. Then other times it just delays the story, without reason. That’s the fun of being a writer—making choices that control the journey the reader is on.
Paul, I'm flattered. You did a great job noting the difference between description that just sits on the page and description that pulls us in because it’s tied to what we care about.
Thank you! My editor drew a red line through so many of the last two words of my sentences, the last two sentences of my paragraphs, and the last two paragraphs of my chapters.
Once again, Renee, your advice is spot on. In one of the notes back from the editor of my second novel, she said: "Pare down. While you could do 500 words on the striking of a match, should you?" Of course I took it as a challenge and did just that (and yes it's up on my website). Conversely, I'm also a participant in the 50Words movement; taking life experiences and boiling them down to exactly fifty words. The Sunday Boston Globe had this as a bi-weekly feature, and I had 17 pieces published there (the most of any writer). A professional photographer friend has The Best Business tag line: "I Take Pictures". I'm thinking about changing mine from: "Nothing Reads Like Real Life" to "I Write Stuff". Less is more.
It boils down to write tight, and I'm just as guilty for running long. Two things we've done in my writing group were looking at short stories and poetry. Both work best when every word counts, and there's no surplus. Likewise pieces in BREVITY stand as good examples of less is more. Take them apart and see how the writer accomplishes so much with so few words.
For reading examples, more Hemingway and maybe Max Frisch, less Faulkner and Joyce. Walter Mosley and Ellmore Leonard seem to strike a good balance: just enough on the page to move the plot, set a mood, and illumine character. Take a close look at how they achieve this.
While I tried to make the article illustrate the point (not having extraneous wording or info), I did want to put more of "me" in there, make a joke... add something here and there...
For fiction, especially if you're writing a thriller, pacing is important. Having extraneous info in there dilutes the tension. Imagine an entire paragraph about how the killer is sneaking up on his prey, what he's wearing, and a bunch of internal dialogue?
If this was easy, everybody would be doing it. Highly structured stories like mysteries and thrillers are very sensitive to the too-much/too-little problem. I’ve seen both, the tempo-killing data dump, and cutting out clues that leave the reader feeling cheated.
Wordy prose? Do not read anything from the 19th century. Read more Hemingway. Stop trying to show off how big your vocabulary is. Stop explaining all sides of motivation and trying to explain every movement of characters----i.e. He took the pistol, and very slowly, carefully, put it in in left pocket making sure the butt of the gun, black with wood trim, was not visible." Better: He shoved the gun deep in his pocket.
Michael, good example. I still read classics, but being in the right mind space is important. You need to remember you're not getting anywhere fast with those books and that's part of the journey.
These days we have things like TL;DR... nobody seems to have time. However, I absolutely believe nuance is key. Setting and tone are important; and it's possible to do it all more succinctly with just as much impact -- but that's an article for next week ;)
This makes me think of Raymond Carver short stories. Every word feels like a carefully placed brick.
I often see something similar on organizations' websites, especially nonprofits. They'll say, "Our 501c3 utilizes best practices to build bridges between civic partners and those on the front lines fighting to distribute nutritionally balanced, satiating meals among individuals experiencing food insecurity," when what they mean is "We serve hot meals to hungry people."
The agency/government speak is the worst.
This is all true for science writing too. It can be tricky bc there is a need for qualification at times, but most sentences and paragraphs are 30–50% longer than they need to be.
Lindsey, science writing is a different animal, though I can imagine the lengthly sentences. One of my authors is a scientist, the habit she transfers from her professional writing side isn't so much verbosity, but foot noting everything -- which I think it kind of funny.
Ha yeah, I think it’s a similar sort of thing— this deep impulse to need to have proof for everything you say, or else hedge with a million qualifications. I’m curious, if you can share, how your author made the leap from science to fiction? Sounds like a dream.
She's writing non-fiction. It's in the science realm, but not so serious it requires foot notes.
As for how she took the leap... I don't think there's any leaping involved. She's still a scientist who writes tons of scientific papers, but she also writes books. Fiction or non, you, Lindsey Smith, can absolutely do it too, if that's your goal.
I’ve been working hard to attempt reading more fiction. When I come upon a book that over describes things, I just can’t do it.
Just tried a Stephen King book for the first time and had to bail on it. Too many superfluous details.
Henny, it's funny you say that. Depending on the book it can go on for paragraphs of nothing, and I think it's because "he can"... That doesn't mean it flies with his readers.
I was sitting in on a class a few years ago, on first pages and the instructor read for a while, until we begged her to stop, all the words, but nothing being said. Turned out to be King, though I can't remember the book. I think it serves as a cautionary tale to those trying to hone their craft.
Be careful of the authors you choose to read and also the age of the book. There is a such a huge difference from years ago. I went back to one of my favorite books recently and the inciting incident I thought happened on page three, where the book really gets good, turns out it was 20+ pages in... that was a shocker.
Interesting. I wonder if he still writes that way? I’m reading his book on writing now as well (very slowly but enjoying it) and it sounds like he was pretty into drugs and drinking back in the day.
Assuming maybe/hopefully he’s evolved.
I think it was one of his newer books, so he may be writing this way now. However, readers of the original Stand can attest to his freedom with words. I liked his book On Writing. If you look at the first page of his book... Holly... I think. He goes on for a while about the street and the park and then the weather, but I don't think it's the book that was read as an example a few years ago.
Super helpful tips. Just started the revision process on my novella (which I serialized here on Substack). I had 66 instances of ‘just.’ So I just cut most of them 😉.
I like using "just" too, Karen. I'm just trying to cut down. :)
Loving this post, Renee! Each word should be a carefully crafted part of the art you are asking people to spend their precious time and attention on. I have DNF'd so many books because the premise is implausible (even in the world they created) or because their language was over the top and actually cluttered the story. One of those books I printed out the first chapter and highlighted every simile or metaphor the author used...it was upwards of 40, in just the first chapter. Some were good; many were not.
Yikes, KC that’s a lot of simile and metaphor! Is this a current book?
It gets tiring to slog through all this window dressing just to find out they’re conveying something that could’ve been handled in 3 words and isn’t really enhancing anything that matters.
Yes, it was a duology pub'd in the past few years to high acclaim. I was really surprised that the editors didn't winnow that down some. It was overwhelming to me. But it was very popular.
It's an interesting question why sometimes description is welcome and other times it comes across as boring filler. A long-winded paragraph that amounts to "it was raining" is pretty bad, no argument there! Descriptions of mundane things that aren't plot-relevant are hard to make interesting and should be cut entirely or trimmed to the bare minimum.
But I've noticed there are times when stories do description well. I was just rereading Piranesi for a piece (https://craftywriting.substack.com/p/the-otherworldly-opening-of-piranesi) and it has a fair amount of poetic description which is quite effective. The story wouldn't even work in Hemingway or Carver style; we need the description to feel transported to this eerily beautiful, mysterious place.
What I would say is going on is that stories can build interest in what is being described based on how scenes are set up, what's happened before, etc. When these things are in place, well-written description can be engrossing. When it's not and the text belabors something readers aren't primed to care about, it's dull.
Exactly, Paul! Sometimes description enhances, especially when it’s the point being made. Then other times it just delays the story, without reason. That’s the fun of being a writer—making choices that control the journey the reader is on.
Renee, your post inspired me to write https://craftywriting.substack.com/p/what-makes-description-interesting. It gives the basic idea of when a story has primed readers to pay close attention to description, and some examples to illustrate. Cheers!
Paul, I'm flattered. You did a great job noting the difference between description that just sits on the page and description that pulls us in because it’s tied to what we care about.
Thank you! My editor drew a red line through so many of the last two words of my sentences, the last two sentences of my paragraphs, and the last two paragraphs of my chapters.
And he was absolutely right!!
Once again, Renee, your advice is spot on. In one of the notes back from the editor of my second novel, she said: "Pare down. While you could do 500 words on the striking of a match, should you?" Of course I took it as a challenge and did just that (and yes it's up on my website). Conversely, I'm also a participant in the 50Words movement; taking life experiences and boiling them down to exactly fifty words. The Sunday Boston Globe had this as a bi-weekly feature, and I had 17 pieces published there (the most of any writer). A professional photographer friend has The Best Business tag line: "I Take Pictures". I'm thinking about changing mine from: "Nothing Reads Like Real Life" to "I Write Stuff". Less is more.
Marc, good example. The 50 word life experience sounds interesting. I’ll have to give that a go as a fun exercise.
As someone who has read several writing craft books, these reminders never get old. Almost like I need it plastered on my bathroom mirror.
Excellent advice.
A former editor of mine was a big Zinsser guy. Great book.
Down to earth. No nonsense. I like it.
It boils down to write tight, and I'm just as guilty for running long. Two things we've done in my writing group were looking at short stories and poetry. Both work best when every word counts, and there's no surplus. Likewise pieces in BREVITY stand as good examples of less is more. Take them apart and see how the writer accomplishes so much with so few words.
For reading examples, more Hemingway and maybe Max Frisch, less Faulkner and Joyce. Walter Mosley and Ellmore Leonard seem to strike a good balance: just enough on the page to move the plot, set a mood, and illumine character. Take a close look at how they achieve this.
Tim, exactly. Tight, but not soulless.
While I tried to make the article illustrate the point (not having extraneous wording or info), I did want to put more of "me" in there, make a joke... add something here and there...
For fiction, especially if you're writing a thriller, pacing is important. Having extraneous info in there dilutes the tension. Imagine an entire paragraph about how the killer is sneaking up on his prey, what he's wearing, and a bunch of internal dialogue?
If this was easy, everybody would be doing it. Highly structured stories like mysteries and thrillers are very sensitive to the too-much/too-little problem. I’ve seen both, the tempo-killing data dump, and cutting out clues that leave the reader feeling cheated.
This is great Renee thanks. Why are writers bothering agents anyway? We're not hard to find. They should be bothering us
Wordy prose? Do not read anything from the 19th century. Read more Hemingway. Stop trying to show off how big your vocabulary is. Stop explaining all sides of motivation and trying to explain every movement of characters----i.e. He took the pistol, and very slowly, carefully, put it in in left pocket making sure the butt of the gun, black with wood trim, was not visible." Better: He shoved the gun deep in his pocket.
Michael, good example. I still read classics, but being in the right mind space is important. You need to remember you're not getting anywhere fast with those books and that's part of the journey.
These days we have things like TL;DR... nobody seems to have time. However, I absolutely believe nuance is key. Setting and tone are important; and it's possible to do it all more succinctly with just as much impact -- but that's an article for next week ;)